If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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