WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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