i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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