he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
