woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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