so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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