I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
