I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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