Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
