Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
