Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
