we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
