I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
