HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
