Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
