She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
