no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
