You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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