you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
