I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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