The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
