Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
