so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
