Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
