i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We are two peas in an std pod
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
