Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
