It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
