toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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