i wish starbucks made bloody marys
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
