idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize