our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
