Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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