you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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