I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
