my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
