Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
