I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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