girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
