There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
