I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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