i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
