its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize