I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
