and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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