If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
