he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize