I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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