is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
