A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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