I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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