I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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