Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
