Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Randomize
