I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
