We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
