There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
