this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
