Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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