Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
