I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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