the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize