the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize