it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
