every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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