I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
