it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
