According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
