he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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