I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
