I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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