after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
