I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Randomize
