It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
