I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
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