Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
