is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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