Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
i've created a new STD.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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