i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
