he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
