You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize